Feb. 3rd, 2007

not_that_spike: (damn determined)
A long, long time ago, Spike made a promise to himself. He promised that he would never stand in the way of Beth's happiness: she means too much to him. So while he doesn't like this -- hell, he hates it -- it's important enough to her to risk everything. Shit, he knows she loves him. He knows it, and this isn't some case of history repeating itself. This is different. This is something she believes in her heart she needs to do. Not just for herself: she needs to do it for Beth Junior and he can't think of a better reason.

That little girl deserves the best chance she can get, no matter what and Beth's right. There are no guarantees that this will last. For all he knows, this place will suddenly just go away and they'll all end up back wherever they were: different places in time, different places in the universe, different situations, different settings. He's pretty damn sure if he goes back, he's going to be at the remains of Syndicate Headquarters. If he had the opportunity to shift that -- to ensure some better potential future -- would he take it?

Hell, yeah. In an ideal world he'd have Beth and Junior by his side, but there aren't any guarantees. He knows it. He's fatalistic and realistic. Time has drummed those qualities into him in a very specific way. It doesn't mean he has to like it. But that promise plays over and over in his mind: if Beth wants this and needs it and thinks it's right, he can't stand in her way.

He just wishes she didn't have to take the baby too. It's going to make the separation that much harder. Sure, he'll get past it: she's coming back. Three days, five days, a week: he can deal with that.

But it doesn't mean he has to like it. In fact, he can hate it as much as he damn well pleases, but that doesn't mean he's going to show Beth how much he hates it, or show Hero how much he hates it, and he'll never let Beth Junior know how much he hates it. This is for her.

He double-checks the Barak: it's cleaned and oiled to within an inch of its life. Safety's on. He wishes like hell he could go with them, but he also understands the reasoning behind that too. What it all boils down to is respecting Beth's wishes and hell, he loves her. He loves her more than he's ever loved anyone and... whatever she wants. Looking up, he latches the safety on the Barak and hands it to her. "I have all of the princess's stuff packed. Enough diapers for the week you wanted and then some: they're... stuffed into every little crevice, Beth." It seems like the least he could do: if he's not going, at least he could tuck notes away in the diapers. She'll find one every time she does a diaper change, but no way in hell is he giving up that secret to her before they go. Send a little bit of himself along with them... because he loves the hell out of them.

Besides, it's given him something to focus on other than wondering how lonely it will be without them here.

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not_that_spike

June 2009

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