(no subject)

Sometimes, it's so fucking amazing and he's like a little kid about it: he wants to get on his hands and knees and lean over and tell jokes and stories to Junior even though he's not sure he (or she, could be a girl) can even hear him. Out of all the things that could happen in the whole damn universe, who ever fucking knew that being with someone having a baby would actually be a damn cool thing?

He watches. He watches every chance he gets, but he particularly likes watching when Beth's asleep and unconcerned and little flickers of smile play across her face. She's so beautiful, so amazing, so strong, and he loves her so much. And then there's this little human being growing inside of her and that... well, that's just... well, fuck: he doesn't have words for how it makes him feel. At first he was in shock, when she first told him. Then he was in denial. Then he was resigned. Then he was hurt because of her stubborn insistence he had nothing to do with it. Then he was accepting.

Now he goes back and forth between scared and awed. People might look at him and think he's not much of a deep thinker, but he spends an awful lot of time in his brain and it's an active and busy and curious place, and he thinks about this shit a lot. Out of respect for Beth, he tries not to think too far into the future but every once in a while he gets this picture in his mind of her holding a baby, and it both melts and breaks his heart. He almost can't wait to see it.

Sure, he knows the reality of it isn't going to be much of a picture-perfect moment: babies cry and spit shit up and crap all over the place and stay awake when you want them to sleep and sleep when you want them awake. They don't understand about privacy and they don't give a shit about when they're hungry. But still, there have to be some beautiful moments or people wouldn't keep going through this shit. Yeah, humans are animals, but animal instinct or not, they have halfway decent brains.

One wish he has, though, is that each kid would come with his (or her) own manual. Attached to their foot on the way out, like a price tag on a doll or something. Personalized, so people would know. Because he has no fucking idea what to do with a baby: how to hold one, how to change one, how to talk to one, how to rock one to sleep, how to burp one, how to feed one. None of that.

He guesses he'll learn.

And there, in the dark of night in the bed they've shared all this time, he pushes back the covers carefully and positions himself on their bed so he's at eye-level with Beth's ever-growing belly. He knows he doesn't stand a hell of a lot of chance for her to sleep through it, but that's probably okay. She wasn't any too cranky when they fell asleep and if it makes her mad, he'll give her a back rub and bring her that little blue cup of water and smooth it over because he's good that way. His voice is a whisper.

Hey. Junior. Listen up, it's me, Spike. The bounty hunter from Mars your mom fell in love with. Listen, kid, I have this story to tell you. It's all about appearances and it's true that they can be deceiving, but it's also true they can come in handy. Your mom will tell you about my jacket and shirt and tie, but I'm going to tell you about this dog I used to have, came to me in a suitcase. Can you believe that? A damn suitcase. His name's Ein, a Welsh corgi. One of the smartest dogs I ever met but not the best because the best was this big old Irish Wolfhound I used to have named Dragon and was he ever a sweetheart, good dog, best dog I ever met.

Mars. What he wouldn't give to be able to bring this kid to Mars with them sometime.

There was this guy, tallest son of a bitch I ever met, named Abdul Hakim and he's the one who had Ein in the suitcase with him. Stole him from a lab and hell if I knew Hakim had a dog. I only knew he was worth a huge fucking W8,000,000, and this is where the story starts...