![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
May. 28th, 2006 09:01 pmWhen a guy's faced with his past lining up squarely to shoot him point blank through the heart in the not-too-distant future, there isn't a hell of a lot he can do about it. Well, actually, there is: he could try to deny it, or he could let it give him a damn heart attack complete with that feeling of not being able to breathe because his chest's so constricted. He could tell himself this time will be different. He could run away. He could try to force a change. He could sit back and observe it from the sidelines, smug with foreknowledge. He could resign himself to fate playing things out exactly the same way they did before.
Or, he could clean his gun, and that's exactly what Spike's doing. The shit they got for the baby's lined up against one wall for the time being, and Beth's new clothes are put away in the bureau and in the closet, and the room's never been cleaner than it is now. Kind of funny what a distraction avoiding the past can be: as soon as they got back from their trip and reality kind of hit him, he cleaned. He cleaned the room like he'd never done it the whole year and eight months he's been here and in a way he hasn't, not this thoroughly: there aren't even any damn dust bunnies left under the bed. The closet is neat and organized; the books are all lined up on top of the dresser. Souvenirs from other trips are set into place on the shelves in the closets, or displayed where it's appropriate. The wall of pictures, though, is the one place that's haphazard and spur-of-the-moment, still, because why fuck with perfection.
So the Jericho's dismantled on the bedside table near that big chair they've had too much fun in to talk about in public, the clean-and-repair kit at the ready. He can't help it: it's what he does when he's distracted.
And knowing that the past is about to repeat itself is probably one of the biggest distractions he's ever faced. In his heart, he knows he'll give just about anything for things to turn out differently.
Unless that means it messes with Beth and Junior. Their safety isn't fucking negotiable, no matter what it costs him personally.
Gun. Cleaning kit.
He has no inner focus. Not a goddamn ounce of it. Turning to Beth, it's all he can do to simply watch her: words to explain how he's feeling elude him at the moment. It's a conversation that's going to take both of them.
The bottom line is this: he doesn't want to die.
Or, he could clean his gun, and that's exactly what Spike's doing. The shit they got for the baby's lined up against one wall for the time being, and Beth's new clothes are put away in the bureau and in the closet, and the room's never been cleaner than it is now. Kind of funny what a distraction avoiding the past can be: as soon as they got back from their trip and reality kind of hit him, he cleaned. He cleaned the room like he'd never done it the whole year and eight months he's been here and in a way he hasn't, not this thoroughly: there aren't even any damn dust bunnies left under the bed. The closet is neat and organized; the books are all lined up on top of the dresser. Souvenirs from other trips are set into place on the shelves in the closets, or displayed where it's appropriate. The wall of pictures, though, is the one place that's haphazard and spur-of-the-moment, still, because why fuck with perfection.
So the Jericho's dismantled on the bedside table near that big chair they've had too much fun in to talk about in public, the clean-and-repair kit at the ready. He can't help it: it's what he does when he's distracted.
And knowing that the past is about to repeat itself is probably one of the biggest distractions he's ever faced. In his heart, he knows he'll give just about anything for things to turn out differently.
Unless that means it messes with Beth and Junior. Their safety isn't fucking negotiable, no matter what it costs him personally.
Gun. Cleaning kit.
He has no inner focus. Not a goddamn ounce of it. Turning to Beth, it's all he can do to simply watch her: words to explain how he's feeling elude him at the moment. It's a conversation that's going to take both of them.
The bottom line is this: he doesn't want to die.
