The fears that Spike has may not be totally rational, but with all she knows about his past, they're not hard to understand.
"One of my biggest fears is to have to leave here without a choice in the matter, just like last time. And now that Hero's gone, it's an even bigger worry. I'd be all alone with the baby, in an unfamiliar place and as unprepared as last time."
Her two biggest fears are for something bad to happen to the baby or to Spike, and as far as she's concerned, that's definitely worth counting as something bad happening to the baby. It's not herself she's worried about; she learned how to live on her own and make a church a home. It's all for the baby. She wouldn't be able to leave Beth alone, and she wouldn't be able to hide her well.
"I have no idea what Julia was like and I can't be very reassuring about that, but for one thing, I can promise you I love you."
She can't help it if it feels worth repeating right now, worth driving home, and her arms curl around his neck.
"And I can promise that I'll never just leave without a word if I have any fucking choice at all in the matter."
It's not exactly reassuring, she guesses, but she has to be honest with him at this point. "I can't say I don't feel guilty about being here, like there's no ugly little obligation I feel about the situation at home. That there's never any tiny voice nagging in the back of my mind, saying that I've got lives on my conscience and shouldn't I want to try to help if I can?" She barely shrugs. "Like if I have to go back eventually I better not sit around and let other people do all the work to try to save mankind, even if I'm just the chick the last man happened to get pregnant."
There's a small shake of her head. "And I'm happy with you, and I don't want to do anything that puts that in jeopardy. Sometimes, since I've gotten back, I feel like just being here is uncertain enough as it is."
Kind of like right after what happened with Joe, but with triple the effectiveness since it happened to her personally.
Even though she made it back.
"So let's take advantage of what we've got here and not worry about titles or anything, okay?" She plants a kiss to his jaw, then his lips. "I'm Beth and you're Spike and she's little Beth, and we're all disgustingly intoxicated with each other and wouldn't have it any other goddamn way."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2006-10-01 06:37 am (UTC)"One of my biggest fears is to have to leave here without a choice in the matter, just like last time. And now that Hero's gone, it's an even bigger worry. I'd be all alone with the baby, in an unfamiliar place and as unprepared as last time."
Her two biggest fears are for something bad to happen to the baby or to Spike, and as far as she's concerned, that's definitely worth counting as something bad happening to the baby. It's not herself she's worried about; she learned how to live on her own and make a church a home. It's all for the baby. She wouldn't be able to leave Beth alone, and she wouldn't be able to hide her well.
"I have no idea what Julia was like and I can't be very reassuring about that, but for one thing, I can promise you I love you."
She can't help it if it feels worth repeating right now, worth driving home, and her arms curl around his neck.
"And I can promise that I'll never just leave without a word if I have any fucking choice at all in the matter."
It's not exactly reassuring, she guesses, but she has to be honest with him at this point. "I can't say I don't feel guilty about being here, like there's no ugly little obligation I feel about the situation at home. That there's never any tiny voice nagging in the back of my mind, saying that I've got lives on my conscience and shouldn't I want to try to help if I can?" She barely shrugs. "Like if I have to go back eventually I better not sit around and let other people do all the work to try to save mankind, even if I'm just the chick the last man happened to get pregnant."
There's a small shake of her head. "And I'm happy with you, and I don't want to do anything that puts that in jeopardy. Sometimes, since I've gotten back, I feel like just being here is uncertain enough as it is."
Kind of like right after what happened with Joe, but with triple the effectiveness since it happened to her personally.
Even though she made it back.
"So let's take advantage of what we've got here and not worry about titles or anything, okay?" She plants a kiss to his jaw, then his lips. "I'm Beth and you're Spike and she's little Beth, and we're all disgustingly intoxicated with each other and wouldn't have it any other goddamn way."