not_that_spike | (no subject)

More than anything, he thinks it would be nice as hell to sleep in, wake up lazily with Beth in his arms, stay in bed all day. Those two and a half years they had... well, shit, he appreciated every damn day of it, but he appreciates them even more now. He's never felt particularly tied to any one place -- never felt anywhere call him going home, home, this is where you belong, Spike Spiegel -- but shit, the bar's the closest thing he's ever had to that.

But then he rethinks that whole more than anything bullshit. What he really wants, more than anything in the whole fucking universe, is to be with Beth.

He's got his wish, even if it's a little bit skewed, and he thinks of that old saying that goes be careful what you wish for, you might get it. This is one time he doesn't mind things going the way they have, even if it would be easier some other way: when he thinks about how long it's been since the way back to the bar got mowed down by an Israeli Merkava battle tank, he's nothing but grateful for being here no matter how difficult the circumstances might make it. He's not sure what he'd be doing now if he was stuck at the bar or the House and there was no sign of Beth or Junior or Hero.

So yeah, even though this is probably the least ideal situation he can practically imagine, he'll take it. He'll take it all the way, because he's with the woman he loves.

And the daughter he loves.

How 'bout that: he's... really not that type of guy. Funny how things can change.

When Ciba and Vlad and Natalya and Hero are all out of earshot and way the hell out of sight on a little hike to find fresh water, he reaches over and tucks Beth's hair back behind her ear. "It's just me, Slim. Your very own invisible bounty hunter."

In Beth's arms, Junior's eyes widen at the sound of his voice and she lets out a big laugh.

"Hope you don't mind me tagging along another few days. I've never been to New York." Even if she can't see it, he's smiling. Yeah, this trip has been tough as hell, but he hasn't lost his sense of humor. It might be his most precious commodity, right after the cloak and the guns and ammo and cigarettes. He lets the cloak fall back and runs a hand through his hair.

He'd do anything for his Beths.

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That makes her mouth curve into another smile, but it doesn't stop her from saying what she was going to say.

"You don't need to worry about me or Junior. You're the walking target if something ever happens to that cloak. Vlad's a miniature target, too, if anyone's paying close enough attention."

She glances down at Junior, then meets Spike's eyes again, smiling wider. "Even if amazons are scarce these days, I don't really want to have share you anyway."

No doctors, no scientists, no lies upon lies to tell so people don't find out about the bar, especially now that she can't prove it exists.

She can lie just fine, but she'd rather keep the lies at a minimum. With that in mind, she also realizes she could tell Hero about Spike and then only be lying to Hero about what the letter Yorick sent her with said.

There's just been this one niggling thing at the back of her mind. Yorick said in the note that Hero might seem a little off but that he thought all she needed was a friend. They were kind of... thrust together by circumstances before she could really get to know Hero and she did make the decision to leave St. Bernadette's fully aware that Hero had been an amazon, but in the time they've spent together since then, she hasn't seen anything all that off about her.

Hero told her some of the things that she's done, and it was impossible to walk away from that conversation without thinking that Hero had been vulnerable and taken advantage of and basically brainwashed. But still, nothing until that one mutter directed to Victoria on the day they left the hot suite struck her as worrisome. And maybe that was nothing, too. Hell, she talked to Junior out loud all the time when she was alone in the church for that month away from the bar, and the unborn baby sure wasn't going to be holding a real conversation with her. There were times alone in the quiet of the church when she needed to say something aloud just to break the silence.

The real reason for concern is Spike, and there probably shouldn't be any. If Hero's wrestling with some buried issues left over from the time she spent as an amazon, she's hiding it pretty well. And she seems fine with Vlad.

She feels a little guilty doubting Hero the slightest bit, and really, she has tons of respect for her. As far as she's concerned, Hero's the closest friend she's had -- except for Spike -- in years, and she considers her to be in a class of her fucking own.

Eventually, when the opportune time presents itself, she'll have to tell Hero about Spike. Maybe they'll have a chance once they get to the New York harbor.

And if Hero's kind of upset with her for keeping a secret like this, she'll understand. But she won't feel bad about the decision she made to keep it to herself initially.

Hell, if anyone's paying attention that close, he'll scoop up Vlad and keep him safe and Beth's got to know that. Hopefully he won't have to do it, but fuck if he's going to let that kid come to harm at all.

On the other hand, the fact that she doesn't want to share him fills him with this happy macho contentment, makes his arm tighten around her just that much more. He has about zero interest in being shared on most levels: if you look up one-woman man in the encyclopedia, his picture's probably next to the damn thing. Still, he appreciates the hell out of her.

"Shit. I wish we could relax here for hours. It's nice." Nice having her and Junior in his arms -- he never gets to hold the baby this much any more -- and nice being out of the cloak. It starts getting a little claustrophobic in there sometimes. More than a couple nights, he's dreamed he was back on that operating table in restraints while they took his eye; he attributes every single one of those dreams to being stuck under the cloak for so long.

But it's working.

But shit, shit, shit, he misses things like this. All he wants are his Beths.

And a smoke, but he doesn't want that enough to risk compromising their safety. When his own eyelids start to feel heavy, he resettles to sit up just a little bit straighter: he's not going back under that cloak until he has to. He wants every damn second of this private time with them.

This has already been a little longer than they usually manage to get alone, and she's about to reluctantly say they should probably get ready for the girls showing up again when she hears the crack of wood -- maybe a small branch snapping in two -- not too far away.

It could just be an animal, but she automatically straightens and reaches for Junior, who holds out her own little arms and gets passed over easily enough.

If it was just an animal or something, she'd rather feel silly later than assume nobody was close and have Spike in plain sight for anybody to see.

Before he can gather the cloak around him, she leans in for a kiss that's far too quick.

"Love you."

It's just a whisper, and she gives him a crooked smile. Sometimes it feels kind of like a goodbye when he needs to put the cloak back on again, even though he's not really going anywhere.

She looks forward to regaining some of that sense of normalcy in their relationship, to say the least, but it's definitely not just for her own sake.

He made her a promise, and while he's already demonstrated a knack for keeping promises against the odds, this might just be the first she's asked him for and counts on him to keep.

He loves her too, and as much as she knows it, he loves her even more than that. There's only been one other woman in his life -- his whole life -- he would've done anything like this for, and despite the fact that hiding like this really sucks, he'll do it.

He'll do it just to be with her. His hand is the last thing to disappear beneath the safety of the cloak; it rests against her cheekbone as long as he can before another snap of twig and the sound of hushed voices proves that Beth's instincts were absolutely right. They pushed time as long and as far as they could and hell, if that's what they get, he'll take it. If he's learned one thing the past few years, it's that time's more precious than almost anything and whatever he gets with her really ought to be cherished.

He does. It's what keeps him going, keeps him from thinking too far into the future to things like so if and when we find Hero's brother, what happens to me and Beth and Junior?

One thing at a time.