(no subject)

It isn't like he's trying to hide the smile on his face or anything; a late drop of water makes its way from his hair to the fabric of his shirt right below the right shoulder. Beth looks even better than he does in these shirts and right now's shining proof of that as she unwraps the towel from her hair. He likes that outfit: those yoga pants hug Junior in a way that makes him a little bit envious. That white tank top doesn't quite fit her any more but he knows better than anyone about old habits dying hard and besides, it looks perfect with his oversized shirt hanging off her shoulders that way, all casual and unbuttoned.

She's so fucking spectacular.

And he's still grinning. "That was... a really nice shower." His heart's still doing this little dance in his chest and truthfully, he's kind of surprised they even managed to get dressed. If it wasn't for the lure of food downstairs, the shower probably would have lasted another hour. Well, there's always later.

"You ready, beautiful? Big date at the bar. Junior told me last night when you were asleep that he couldn't wait for more pineapple pizza."

Loser Bar

"I mean, what were we thinking? Bringing a woman onto the Bebop." Jet shakes his head; a door closes behind them.

What the fuck? Wait a second. Beth: where the hell are you?

It's a joke. It has to be a fucking joke, right? Or a dream. That's it: he'll wake up and look over and Beth will be there facing away from him, her arms around that big body pillow, her hair tickling his eyes. Okay. I'm going to take a deep breath and open my eyes and we'll be upstairs and...

Jet takes a seat at the bar, raising two fingers in a vee to the bartender, motioning Spike over. "Oh man. We never screwed up that bad before. What was I thinking? You and I were doing fine."

Beth? Beth, where are you? I... don't fucking not be here. Don't be gone. Don't... Like some zombie on auto-pilot, he crosses his arms and rests his head on them, eyes half-slits. If he opens them any wider, well... all those tears he never cried all those years might start to find a way out.

And Jet's just going on and on. "Then they come along and mess up everything. Seems like every bounty's a problem. Pamper me. Baby me. Nothing but trouble."

Spike's frozen, can't say a word.

That doesn't stop Jet. "I understand now why you have this attitude about women and kids."

I used to, Jet, but see, that's before... wait, you know Beth. You know her. You met, remember, on Ganymede? And on the Bebop? Tall, blonde, green eyes, face of an angel? Remember? She's pregnant, and we're going to figure out how she gets to have the baby while we're together, and...

Junior.

He remembers it all with a goddamn vengeance, and suddenly the pit of his stomach is just... gone, like he never had one: this isn't fair. It fucking isn't fair and if he has to kill every damn person in sight to get Beth back, he will. An unexpected click makes him sit up, all anticipation: Beth. She'll come walking in, her lighter and a can of hair spray in her hands going damn it, Spike, what the fuck are you doing here without me? and things will be all right. Everything will be all right. Every...

Shit. That's not the door: he pushes Jet to cover and dives behind the bar, all instinct, as a hail of bullets greets them. The bartender... well, he's not so lucky; the drink shaker falls from his newly-dead hand.

Martinis. They were sharing a martini: he and Beth were just about to finish up that chocolate martini when she got up and she said she'd be right back, right back, and he waited and waited and waited and she wasn't back, and he thought maybe something was wrong but no, when he opened the door the room was empty and she wasn't even there. Just like she never even existed. Reaching for that shaker he studies it for all it's worth before opening it up and taking a sip.

For Beth: he takes that sip for Beth, because damn it, they were supposed to be finishing a martini together. But he turns aside even while bullets are still flying and the first words he says since getting here might sound really stupid but to him they make way too much painful sense.

"Definitely too much vermouth." See, Jet, Bar's martinis are perfect. You'd love them as much as Beth and I do; you never have a problem like this. I hope to fuck she's back there. I hope she's cooling her heels over a bowl of soggy corn flakes getting all kinds of pissed off at me right now. I hope she's safe. I hope she and Junior are safe. If something had to fucking happen, let it be this; let it happen to me. Let her be okay. Let both of them be all right.

See, he knows how this story ends. He's been here before; he's done this exact same shit before. It's no surprise when he hears Jet asking who the hell the guys with the guns are, or when Lin -- no, Shin, Lin's little brother -- vaults over the bar to join him. They were all inside together: Shin, Lin, Vicious... him. Beth's the only one who was never a part of this. Beth and Jet; maybe that's why Beth isn't here with him. All he knows is as soon as he can, he's going right back out the same door he and Jet came through. Get right the hell back to the bar.

But Shin distracts him, taking down a guy or two and if anyone knows about betraying the Syndicate, it's Spike. He turns to Shin, listening, watching. "Once you cross this line, you can never go back to the Syndicate." There's a moment's silence (Beth, my angel, my goddess, be back at the bar, please be safe back at the bar, don't be here, don't be outside this place, too much gunfire). "What happened, Shin?"

"Vicious is going to be executed. He tried to pull off a coup, but it backfired."

That phone call. That phone call from Bob, last time me and Beth were on the ship: I was right. This is what it was about and fuck, I fucking swore to her I wouldn't come back out here. Beth, I'm sorry. Damn it, Beth, wherever the hell you are, are you all right? It's then he hears this pained breath: Jet's been shot in the leg. He can't see it from here, but he knows it. That's the same shit that happened last time.

This sucks; he knows what has to happen next.

Shin goes on to explain. "They've got him in the chamber, and you're a target now too. So's Julia."

"Julia?" Julia's from before: it's Beth he's worried about now. It's Beth and Junior he's worried about. This dream just keeps going from bad to worse: if there's one way to torture him, it's like this. He already watched Julia die, and then he had to watch it again. No more, he thinks, moving to stand, killing the few Syndicate guys who get in his way. There sure as fuck are a lot of them, but he and Shin and Jet are better shots.

Like he doesn't know where Syndicate Headquarters is -- he hasn't been out that long -- Shin tells him they're in Tharsis City, that he'll cover their escape, to get the hell out of there now.

"I owe you, Shin." He moves to Jet's side, props him up. As Shin wishes them good luck, he helps Jet walk slowly, painfully, to the door: they have to get to Doc.

There's not a damn other thing he can do, except wonder if the past two years have all just been a dream. Maybe Beth doesn't even remember him.

Maybe he was never even there.