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[not_that_spike]

There's moments like this where things are just so damn priceless, so precious: he and Beth are sitting in bed together, their backs propped up by an ocean of pillows. His knees are up and Beth Junior's resting against his legs. He's got both of the baby's hands in his or, really, she's got both his index fingers in her little fists, waving back and forth. Every little thing she does is kind of amazing. It's almost imossible to think of her being any older than she is right this moment, but he knows it'll seem like only moments have flown by once she's crawling or talking or walking, and then memories of days like this will become fuzzy and far away.

That's just kind of the way it goes. He leans over to press a kiss to the side of Beth's face; little Beth's grip on his fingers doesn't loosen even a fraction. Turning his attention back to Junior, his eyes soften and he gives her a little grin.

"Hey, Junior. Guess what? I love your mom." Leaning into Beth, his smile widens. Beth and Beth: he's got one hell of a good deal all the way around.

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[stbethadettes]

It's kind of adorable, the way little Beth's eyes are wide and fixed on Spike's mouth as it moves like she's never seen anything like it and it's so damn great that she can't possibly look away.

Beth can never blame her.

She leans her chin on Spike's upper arm.

"Just don't tell anyone, sweetheart. He'll get kicked out of the official tough guy club."

She watches the baby's eyes move toward her own mouth at that, her little head sort of wobbling a little, but then they turn back to Spike and she breaks out into a big beautiful beaming all-gums grin.

And over Spike's arm, Beth just stares at her as if dumbfounded for a split second before she grins, too.

[not_that_spike]

"Yeah, they'll kick me out of the..."

He stops, words no longer necessary but caught in his throat nonetheless: she's smiling. Baby Beth is smiling and he thinks -- thinks -- it's intentional and the best damn part of all is she's smiling at him. Their little aijou is smiling at the guy who never wanted kids till she came along and damn. Damn.

"Hey, look at you. Look at you, little girl. Beth, look at her."

Beth's already looking, and hell, she's smiling too: what else is there to do?

Just laugh.

When Beth was pregnant, he'd catch her sometimes when her eyes were just a little too bright but he figured shit, hormones, I'm not going to mention it to her; if she needs me I'm right here and she's real good at finding me. But it's a rarity for him to be the one with the lump in his throat, blinking madly. Sure, they say in the books that a baby can genuinely smile somewhere between six and eight weeks, but this is the first one he's really seen from her.

"Look at you, little sweetheart. Beth, look how beautiful she is when she smiles."

Hell, anyone listening would think he had something to do with it.

[stbethadettes]

"I'm looking!"

She has to laugh, just like he did.

And attracted by the sound, little Beth looks right back at her. That baby smile, just barely fading, flares up again, and damn.

It's got to be a new parent thing, but getting smiled at like that by her little girl ignites this happy kind of pride, just like she's won some kind of big prize. Maybe it's a little ridiculous -- babies haven't learned to try to hide their smiles, so it probably shouldn't feel like quite the hard-earned thing it seems like -- but she doesn't care. She's never seen Beth Junior do that before, and it's...

It's like Spike said. It's beautiful.

One of the most beautiful sights she's ever seen, and she reaches to brush little Beth's cheek with her fingertips, to smooth her hand over her hair.

"Well. I guess she likes the idea of the tough guy club."

[not_that_spike]

Or else she likes the idea of the tough guy being in love with her mom. He thinks that's probably more like it: she might not know the words, but he bets she can sure as hell sense the emotion. Kids are like that, he thinks -- not that he has a shit's worth of expertise in this -- but they have to be able to sense things. It's what they know. He knew he could always tell when his parents were getting along or not getting along, no matter what words they ever said or didn't.

"Those are real smiles, aren't they." He works one finger out of her grip just so he can use it to cradle her, because he has to lift the baby up and give her tiny forehead a kiss. Then it's right back against his thighs for her so they can keep doing whatever it is they were doing that made her smile in the first place. Just holding her, he thinks, and just mumbling little things to Beth. "You know, Slim, I never ever thought I'd be such a damn sucker for a baby. Never in a million years but check us out. We're such tough guys, hanging out in bed with the baby. I feel like I should tell her stories or something."

Beth Junior kind of burbles a little and he thinks she might be about to smile again, but instead she directs his finger into her mouth. He might think hey, I need that one but he doesn't say anything; little Beth needs it too and whatever she wants, she can have. He'll spoil her fucking rotten.

"You want to go see your mom?" Turning his head again, he gives Beth another kiss. While he's doing that, he feels the baby stop sucking on his finger and when he looks back, she's smiling again.

"Oh, I get it. It's all about the romance, huh? Smart girl."

[stbethadettes]

Beth smirks a little.

"My daughter the romantic."

Must've gotten that from Yorick. Not that she doesn't like when Spike kisses her.

"C'mere, Beth." Taking the baby in her arms, she lifts her from Spike's legs and is answered by a small intelligible coo. She holds Junior close for a moment, her tiny head nestled against her neck, but it's awake and alert time, and they should take advantage of it.

It's not too surprising when a quick little hand makes for her hair.

"We could give her some time on her belly." She glances sideways at Spike. "Are you a bad enough dude to hang out on the floor with us, too?"

[not_that_spike]

"Hell yes, ma'am, and Junior, don't listen when I swear. You're going to have to close your ears about half the time, I guess." Swinging his legs around, he steps off the bed and lays down a clean blanket, one of the ones that used to belong to Snow. Yeah, their carpet gets cleaned by someone somewhere when they're not looking, but still.

He bled on this thing, not that he could help it. After he got back from Tharsis City, when Elaine helped him out. A baby blanket in its soft pastels of green and buttercup and blue and pink is the perfect antidote for that. He stretches out, mostly off the blanket, so there's room for Beth and Junior on its surface.

"This bad dude has the perimeter secured, ma'am. It's safe to play." The tie he insists on wearing just in case Beth has time to take it off him splays out on that blanket in front of him; the baby can tug on it or gum it up all she wants.

Hell, he thinks he'd give anything for another one of her little smiles. She's pretty damn adorable.

Just like her mom.

[stbethadettes]

She has to laugh again as she sits up and then stands, little Beth in her arms and still clutching her hair.

"Thanks. What would we do without you?"

Stepping over, she lowers herself down on both knees, coaxes her hair out of that strong grasp, and places Junior carefully belly-down in the middle of the blanket, then she gets up again just long enough to open the baby drawer and pull out a couple of toys: the plush spaceship and the cloth frog.

Those get dropped strategically onto the blanket so there's pretty much something the baby can look at no matter which way she turns her head -- even if it's just Spike's tie, because fuck if that's not a toy Beth knows she can get behind -- and then she stretches out like Spike, partially on the blanket.

[not_that_spike]

Well, damn, if it wasn't such a stretch and there was no baby in the middle of the blanket, he'd lean across and kiss Beth right now. But it is a stretch and Junior's there. He wouldn't have remembered about the babies on their stomachs thing if Beth wasn't around to kick him in the ass and remind him; he's glad there's someone paying attention. All he wants to do with the baby is play. The little toy Swordfish (close enough) is right there; he picks it up for a moment and flies it through the sky before setting it back down.

He's pretty sure the baby's tracking it with her eyes, wobbly though her head is.

That's cute. Really cute, and he reaches over and cups her tiny cheek in his hand which... looks so big against her. "Hey, Slim, you think I was ever this little?" He just can't imagine, no matter how hard he tries. Not with his long skinny self stretched out here, and he wonders how tall baby Beth will grow to be.

Damn, he hopes he's around to see it.

It's such a treat for him to be around this and around for this. He's not sure why he didn't die out there in Tharsis, but he's so fucking glad, so fucking thankful for that. Yeah, there's still some living for him to do. Letting go of little Beth's cheek, he reaches across to mimic that same motion on his Beth's face.

"Love you, ma'am."

The baby lets out a little laugh. Intentional or inadvertent, it's really well-timed.

[stbethadettes]

"I can honestly say that I feel for your mom if you were never this little and that I hope she didn't try to be brave and go all-natural when you were born."

She smiles, though. Grins, in fact, from the combination of his hand against her cheek and that tiny peal of laughter coming from little Beth.

There's probably just something wonderfully amusing going on in that baby brain of hers, but she certainly is making seem like she likes displays of affection.

"But I love you, too."

Still grinning, Beth turns her head and kisses Spike's palm, then lowers her top half so her face is nearly level with Junior's, picks up the cloth frog, and hops it closer to her.

Eventually she might have to grab Spike's tie herself.

[not_that_spike]

In that photo album he got from his father -- after twisting the guy's arm -- there's a birth announcement and he knows it says he weighed 7 pounds, 3 ounces at birth and was 21 inches in length. A little bigger than Beth Junior when he was born; he knows the stats. It's probably about how big she is right now, actually.

Beth's kiss is pretty much imprinted in his palm; it feels really good. How can a single fucking moment be bad with his two Beths in his life? First Beth loves him; he loves her; they both love baby Beth; she's smiling at both of them.

It's a miracle, and not even a minor one, and he watches her with the frog. It isn't often that he sees his Beth playful this way but damn, is it sweet. He pillows his head with one outstretched arm and just... delights in watching them together. Mother and baby, it's sweet and elemental and fundamental and perfect and he can't believe he went around for so many years saying he hated kids.

What a crock of shit. This little baby's changed his whole world, and he wouldn't give that up for anything. Wouldn't give either of them up for anything.

Hell, he'd gladly take a bullet for either of them. Nobody but nobody gets to fuck around with his family.

"Hey, Junior. Smile for your mom. Can you do that? Or... for the frog, or for the bounty hunter, or because you have ten toes." He watches expectantly, and... hell, maybe it's the sound of his voice or the hopping of the frog on the blanket or who knows what, but she does.

She smiles.

[stbethadettes]

Glancing up from the baby's smiling face, Beth smiles over at him herself. "Do that again."

It's as if some switch has been flipped. Like Beth Junior's suddenly smiley as hell now that she knows she can smile and knows they love it so goddamn much.

...and Beth can't complain. It's a beautiful smile, even if she does say so herself, and there are so many reasons for Beth Junior -- for both of them -- to smile here that she just wouldn't fucking have back home.

She's sure the way she looks at the baby right now has to be completely and utterly adoring, and there are few things she'd be less apologetic about.

Beth touches the frog's soft face to little Beth's cheek, then sets it down it front of her and touches those ten tiny perfectly-formed toes Spike mentioned, hidden inside little white socks.

[not_that_spike]

It's like living in a dream.

How many times over the years has he had that thought? And how many times has he equated that thought with this desperate nihilistic feeling that nothing's really real so none of it matters? That it's all just an exercise in futility until death finally wins and carries people away into the dark?

The answer is way too many. Way too fucking many and now he sees that thought in a whole different light: hell yeah, it's like living in a dream. One of those good dreams, one of those fantastic fantasies where wishes come true and people go off into the sunset and live happily ever after. He doesn't know that anything like that's going to happen, but hell, it's a dream. He can imagine any damn thing he wants.

The smile on his own face is soft; he can feel it. "You know, Beth, I never thought doing things like this would actually make me happy. I always figured happiness to be... oh, some elusive thing for other people. Not for me. It's like that concept was so far out of reach, I didn't deserve to even think it. Kind of that whole live fast, die young thing and I was thinking earlier I don't know why I'm still alive -- some damn miracle or other -- but I sure as hell love you and Beth Junior. I don't think there's a single thing in my life that's ever meant as much to me as the two of you."

It's a good time to be sentimental: little Beth can get the gist of what he's saying without needing to understand the words, and Beth... well, she deserves to hear it. She's the reason he's here, the reason he fought his way back, the reason he wakes up able to smile.

Beth Junior's busy almost staring at the plush frog; her eyes look like they're going in and out of focus.

"And you, little one: you're only allowed to be this adorable with us right now. I don't want some boy baby coming up and putting the moves on you."

Looking over at Beth, he winks. Even if the baby doesn't smile on demand quite yet, it's a hell of a moment they're all sharing.

[stbethadettes]

That's... kind of cute of him and all in fun and makes her smile, but it also makes her think of Hero and baby Vladimir and could so easily send her train of thought screaming along to things like is Hero okay? and did she make it to Kansas already? and what's going to happen to us if we're forced out again?, and she just can't have that. Not today.

Not now.

Not when her daughter -- her daughter -- is showing off her first ever smiles.

So picks herself up and moves over so she can stretch out right next to Spike, maneuvering so her back is to his front and her legs are angled enough that they get the occasional gentle kick from one of little Beth's feet and her head is pillowed on her arm so she doesn't block his view of the baby even though she's successfully blocking the baby from Spike's tie.

"I'm glad you're happy."

It's not something she intended to say, but doesn't regret it. It's true. She's sort of thrilled that he's happy, and not seeing any good reason why she hasn't already, she guides his arm around her.

[not_that_spike]

Now there's an idea: it always feels so damn right when she does things like that and this... really is a hell of a nice moment. Beth in his arms, Beth Junior gurgling and cooing.

It isn't often that Beth comes up with a statement like that: they're both kind of reserved, but it's even more prevalent in her behavior than his. He's guarded but she's a damn fortress sometimes, especially when it comes to expressing affection. There's no fingers being pointed or anything: hell, he loves her so much. She's perfect just the way she is and if she was any different he might not love her quite so much or in quite the same way. The whole train of thought, though, brings him back around to being pleasantly surprised by her words.

"Happy with you, ma'am. We humble bounty hunters have to maintain this veneer, you know? Calm, cool, collected. All that secret-agent shit. Don't tell anyone I'm just some proud romantic at heart. You know: tough guy club, strict membership requirements, license to be cool: don't want to lose those things." His laugh is low and quiet and it makes the baby look over at them and give another delighted, toothless grin.

His heart melts: things can't get a fuck of a lot better. Not even if by some miracle or other they end up in that house on Venus. He'll never admit it to anyone but Beth, but he still has that real estate magazine. It's old and out of date and none of those houses are even for sale any more, most likely, but when she was gone and sometimes still in the middle of the night when Junior's got a new diaper and she and Beth are back to sleep, he takes it out and looks at it. It's more symbolic than anything -- of course it is -- but it's a damn clear representation of a dream. Whether or not it ever comes true, it's still a dream worth holding onto.

His hand finds its home on her hip.

Perfect fucking fit.

Perfect.

[stbethadettes]

She loves it when he does that. Always has.

"I mean it."

Her hand covers his, but otherwise she stays just as she is, her head pillowed on her other arm, her eyes on the baby.

"If you had told me you didn't know if you could handle suddenly having a needy little baby as a full-time guest in here, it... probably would've stung some. But I'd have said you need to do what makes you happy, what's best for you."

Little Beth lets out a gleeful gurgle, resting her cheek against the blanket and seemingly watching them again now.

"But I'm glad you didn't. I think you deserve the best, and don't think I'm being self-effacing when I say I'm not always sure this is really the best for you. I think the best for you would be happiness that's a little more certain."

And there are no guarantees here, no matter how much of an oasis it's seemed like.

"They say love isn't selfish, and yeah, it's at its best when it's not. But I'm still glad you're happy with me and with Beth Junior."

[not_that_spike]

"Well, fuck, Slim. I love the hell out of both of you."

He can't think of another place he'd rather be, another woman he'd rather be with. And the baby... she makes his life so much richer.

So much.

"Just goes to show: we don't always know what's best for us until we find it. I wouldn't trade what I have with you and Junior for anything. Even if it was... guaranteed happiness because right now, I couldn't be happy without you and that's something I know." Leaning into her, he kisses the back of her neck: he hopes like hell it gives her a case of the shivers. When she does that to him, he sure as fuck reacts.

Honestly, he can't imagine living his life without his Beths. Even though there's nothing that guarantees they'll always be together, he has to go on faith. He has to believe that things will work out. Otherwise, there's no point to it and he lived under a cloud of doubt for so damn long. He refuses to do it any more.

"I don't say this shit to make you feel trapped. I mean, whatever happens happens, right? I've always said that. But I sure as hell hope whatever happens includes you and baby Beth. if they don't... I'll cross that bridge when I come to it but right now, I'm..." Stopping, he lets out a little laugh: she means it all to him. "...just about perfectly content."

He traces little circles on Beth's hip with the tips of his fingers, doubting he's ever meant anything more than what he's just said to her.

And hopes like hell the universe doesn't take her away from him again: he's not sure he can stand to go through that one more time.

[stbethadettes]

A pattern of little bumps rises on her skin, just from that little kiss.

Her eyelids lower a little, almost but not quite sleepily, and it's her turn to aim a smile at Beth Junior.

"Good."

She barely nods her head. Being just about perfectly content right now... well, it's pretty much the best they can ask for, she thinks.

And perfectly content right now isn't too goddamn bad.

Moving slightly away from Spike, she raises up enough to take little Beth in her arms, and then she rolls over onto her back there next to Spike, resting the baby on top of her.

[not_that_spike]

Well.

If they're going to lie there looking all contented...

One bounty hunter presses a kiss to the back of his little aijou's head, right to the spot where nothing but feathery light-tan fluff sticks out there in all directions like cotton candy, before rolling over onto his own back next to them. Junior's on her stomach looking down at Beth with a wavering wobbly head; her eyes look like she's the sleepy one in this particular trio. And yeah, he figures she deserves a rest. All that smiling's got to be tiring. What does the baby book call it? A new developmental plateau, some shit like that? That sounds about right.

He's so damn proud of her. Reaching over, he strokes her cheek with a hand that could just as easily kill but doesn't any more, then watches intently as she settles her head on Beth's chest with her face turned toward him. Her tiny eyelids flutter closed and he wants to say wake up, wake up, Elizabeth Marie, play with us some more, smile for us again but he doesn't. Whatever she wants: anything. He's not about to tell her she can't take a nap.

Once again he rolls onto his side and with his left eye takes a picture of Beth and her daughter lying there together: there's something fundamental and perfect about them right here, right now, right this moment. He could give a shit if Junior's not his genetically; he loves her. He loves her in a way he didn't know he was capable of feeling. Like some lion staking claim on his pride, he has a moment of fierce and utter protectiveness. He honestly never thought that two Beths would effectively be his whole life.

And he wouldn't trade it for the world. Not for the whole damn universe.

[stbethadettes]

One hand stays on the baby's back, rubbing very gently.

It's just... a moment to soak up. It really is like Spike said. Just about perfectly content is what they're capable of here and now, and when things are this sweet, she can't bear not to enjoy them.

And she can't help but think they deserve to. All three of them.

Turning to face Spike after a quiet minute or two, she smiles at him. "You want to pick her up for me?" Her voice is more than a whisper, but just barely. "It looks like it's basket time."

And once little Beth's tucked snugly in her basket, maybe she can do a little playing with Spike's tie herself.

[not_that_spike]

"Yes, ma'am." It's an honor and a privilege and he wouldn't want to be doing anything else; he gets up slowly and takes Beth Junior so damn carefully into his arms. She's easy when she's asleep and it doesn't take any time at all to tuck her safely into that basket and wrap the blankets around her and set it rocking for a few minutes. Once he's done he just stands there and watches her for a minute, two minutes: she's priceless.

(click click click)

And then there's nothing better to do than get right back down on the floor with Beth, half on the baby blanket and half off, and find his way into her arms. Now they can do things they wouldn't dream of doing with little Beth awake.

Now it's his turn for a softer voice, more personal and intimate actions: no wasting that precious commodity called time. Lying on his side, he directs his hand to Beth's hip and her hand to his tie before dipping in for a kiss.

He's so in love with that little smile on her face.

[stbethadettes]

She'd watched him -- as much as possible from this angle -- as he carried the baby over, tucked her into her basket, and then stood there to watch for a moment.

It's sweet.

Beth Junior is way too young to realize how lucky they are right now.

Beth isn't.

So when Spike's hand finds her hip again, when he helps her hand (like it needs any help) find his tie, when a quiet breath of laughter bubbles out of her right before he kisses her, she's grateful.

And once the tie's off him and has slid from around his neck to coil on the floor, once her fingers have crept down his shirt from button to button to button, she'll show him in great -- if hushed -- detail.

He always says he likes showing better than telling.

[not_that_spike]

Show is almost always better than tell, especially when it involves Beth. He sure as shit doesn't have a single damn complaint.

Later, they do something they haven't done in a long, long time: just sit on that big easy chair by the bedside and hold each other. Just cuddle peacefully, and it's almost like the contentment of the earlier moments with Junior all smiles have washed over, painted the room in softness, in satisfaction, in this easy moment of no worries, no need to rush, none of that shit. It's just the two of them in a bare minimum of clothes, Beth on his lap, her arms around his neck and his around her waist.

If he could bottle the moment, he would. Maybe it will show up in that crystal sometime when he looks at it: it'll make him smile with satisfaction, smile with the memory. Even the baby is obliging: she sleeps for an hour and a half before waking with a little murmur and a sleepy yawn and half a cry before Beth unwraps from around him and picks her up. Her voice is a quiet, private murmur between mother and daughter.

In the comfort of the chair he stretches out his legs onto the bed and closes his eyes, just listening.

Just listening, because there's no sweeter sound anywhere than Beth's voice. And with his eyes closed he can imagine everything they're doing: the little dance when she holds her, the sounds of a diaper being changed, the way Beth coos over the baby so happily and quietly. His eyes don't open until he feels Beth settling on the bed: feeding time. It's hard for him to even think about putting what this whole thing means to him into words of any kind -- even for himself -- so he doesn't bother. Instead, he slides onto the bed next to them.

In a nice, roundabout way, the evening's come full circle: this is where they started. And if they're lucky, they might even get more toothless baby smiles.

Hell, they're lucky no matter what. The rest of the night will do whatever it's supposed to do but for just this moment, it all feels pretty damn perfect.

Love you. And you. In a little while he'll get dressed and go downstairs and bring back some food for himself and Beth but for now... he could just melt. Sometimes the things he doesn't know he wants are the best and most unexpected, and there's no way in hell he's getting up and moving right now.

Not a single damn chance.